In Kind

This story was originally published on Substack.

He had every reason to be bitter and resentful in every interaction. Yet somehow he was not. There still kindled in him a reason to be kind, a reason to be soft, gentle and nice. With a smile, he hid the pain that lingered beneath, and none was ever aware of the daily task he undertook, mammoth in scale, subtle in its delivery. He could light up a room like none other could. He was an angel, and they took that for granted, but he didn’t seem to mind. He kept up with his positivity, his hopefulness, for he knew sustaining these could help sustain the brokenness that lay bare around him just a little bit better. There were times when he could not maintain this expression of glee and gentility for very much longer, when the stresses of the world were insurmountable even to a saintly one such as him. In these instances, he would retreat into exile for days on end, reflecting beneath the stars, in the peace of silence, breaking and yelling at things, making sure no one was around to notice the human lying beneath this saint. And when the worst of it was out his system, he emerged from his self-imposed exile, back to deliver more warmth to a world that was so brimming with chills of abandonment and self-preservation.

“How are you so good,” a friend would ask.

“All you gotta do is look at the things in your life to be grateful for. You may think there are not many, I sometimes feel that way, too. But to learn to find these and see these, to constantly be in their presence, is the gift that keeps giving. I hope that helps.”

That last part he said with the utmost sincerity. A sincerity which in his secretly pessimistic truth, would wither and fade like a murmur onto a brick surface. But he expressed it regardless, for to give up entirely would mean the instant deterioration of everything he ever loved or cared for. And he couldn’t have that. No, he could not have that at all. That would be the worst thing imaginable. And he would go about his entire existence seeing to it that this glimmer never faded, even if it meant the weight of all existence, forever was tugging at the strength of his back.