Sweet Wings

This story was originally published on Substack.

Dave and Gwen had gone out for drinks with friends. Dave mostly did it for her, as he was not, as of late, one for public appearances. Since the recent passing of his mother–that once ever-present and guiding light in his life even well into his adulthood–he had become so entrenched in the trappings of his mind. Consequently, whenever he went out, maintaining a veneer of normalcy around others had become a full-time position.

When they arrived at Gracie’s–that was the name of the pinkly-lit, trendy bar–the severity of the experience was compounded by how very loud the music was. To get anything resembling a coherent thought across that table for six required one to project their voice to a lung-sapping degree, which was certainly a mammoth task for a soft-spoken man such as Dave.

Gwen, who had gone to theater camp and took public speaking courses when she was growing up, had no perceptible trouble competing with the uproarious soundtrack. She seemed to be having a ball of a time, catching up with her old roommates Sarah and Louisa, and their respective partners, Ervin and Marcia. In fact this night was one that she desperately needed. When she was just a few years younger, she’d hit the town almost every night. Drinks weren’t as expensive then, and the streets were much more alive than they were today. The sensory, revitalizing rituals of socializing had become almost a medical necessity for her functionality.

All those days at work, looking at a screen, crunching numbers on a spreadsheet, day in and day out, made her feel more machine than woman, and it would be a mistake to say it did not do a number on her well-being. She and Dave used to try to make a thing of going out during the weekends. Though they had no pets of their own, they even took on gigs with an app on their phones, as part-time dog walkers, walking around in circles at the local park, walking the unpredictable pooches of anonymous strangers. This had become a favorite pastime of theirs, and it brought them closer as a couple, but regrettably they too had to stop this after a tragic ordeal.

Yes, their lives were filled with sadness, but they did their best not to let these embitter their souls and sow resentments within their unit. Gwen, for her part, read all sorts of books about relationship managements and healthy coping mechanisms, spending hours late into the night watching self-help speakers on social media telling her how to improve her outlook on life.

As the drinks began to pour, predictably, the inhibitions started to unfold. Sarah, one of the friends, sensing an air of discomfort between Dave and Gwen, laid out a question for both:

“Everything alright with y’all these days?”

David smiled and nodded, and left it at that.

Gwen, knowing from her videos that not being upfront about her feelings only delays the consequences, was more than happy to spill her concerns.

“I’m a slave to this job that I used to love but now I hate… and when I come home I feel a certain chill that I can’t get away from,” she took another sip of her glass of cabernet, “sometimes I don’t know where my life is headed and that scares me a little.”

Dave threw her a quick glance of concern, which he instantly dissipated with a gentle, if not nervous smile. He threw out a quick comment into the conversation that no one heard, for his voice was no match for the classic rock underlying the conversation.

They quickly moved on from that topic as if nothing, instead exchanging phones to show each other funny things they found that reminded them of the good old days, or sometimes getting into more somber territory vaguely describing their ill-feelings about current events. And repeatedly, Gwen had no choice but to let out another little revelation of her reality slip through the clankings of the glass.

“I don’t see you guys enough, ok? We need to do this more often. I know we’re all super busy, but still.”
“I am in total agreement, let’s make a thing of this,” Louisa said.
“Yes, because I am getting tired of just sitting at home all day watching videos.”

Dave heard this and was hurt. He was busy with work as well, and tutoring a cohort of at-risk youth at the local community center was something that took a lot out of him, it should have come as no surprise if he returned exhausted, later than Gwen, perhaps not having much in him to make her feel seen. Though Dave loved Gwen very deeply, he could see there were cracks appearing in their romance before his very eyes. Quietly he got up and excused himself for the bathroom, stumbling a little on his way there, as he certainly had had a few himself. He nearly crashed into the bus boy and almost made him spill his things. What a disaster that would’ve been.

In the men’s restroom, which was colored with bright green tiles on the walls, an artisanal mirror, and which had incense burning on a metal tray in the corner, he splashed his face with water and looked at himself in that ornate reflection. He saw his eyes were puffy and groggy and his hair had begun to get a little messy. He sighed very subtly to himself, wondering if what he was as a man was enough to sustain a relationship he so deeply cared about.

Gwen was still at the table with the others, but when she saw that Dave would not return after a significant amount of time, she got a little anxious. She checked her phone and texted Dave, but he did not reply back. She got up and excused herself, walking towards the men’s bathroom. She briefly opened it and peaked inside, thankfully no one was inside. Unfortunately, that meant Dave was not in there either. She texted him again, and gave him several calls, all of which he did not answer. Now she was getting worried. She ran out through the back exit and there she saw Dave sitting on the sidewalk, out in the cold, looking down at the pavement, while two cooks stood out by the distance smoking cigarettes and conversing in dirty jokes.

“Dave, what the hell, why didn’t you answer me?”

Dave turned around and calmly looked at her. “I just needed a breather. It’s so loud in there.”

“Is everything ok?”

“I should ask you the same.”

“Was it something I said in there?”

“I know it’s been hard for you, the way I’ve been. I’m sorry. But maybe you could cut me some slack every once in a while.” With this final comment he sank his head into his lap. She sat back down beside him and put her arm around his shoulder in support. As if this were an instant elixir, he raised his head and pecked her on the cheek. It was clear between the two that they still cared deeply for each other, and that there was still a great deal of work to be done to make this so-far brief marriage work.

“You know what’s just a few blocks away from here?” Gwen asked.

“Huh?”

“The place of our first date.”

A slight smile came upon as he was reminded of this almost fading, but now vibrant memory. “We should check it out.”

“Yeah, maybe you’re right. I could use some hot wings right now.”

And so they both left the party of friends unannounced and went to get those spicy chicken wings. And like the two young lovers they once were, they laughed in each other’s faces as they both saw how hard it was for them to handle the heat. The music was softer and the vibe was lighter, and it was almost like they were starting from scratch again.